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Sarah Bettens

Sarah Bettens

Sarah Bettens

Text JF. Pierets    Photos Frank Clauwers

 

I’ve always been very much intrigued by Sarah Bettens. When I saw K’s Choice perform in 1994 they had not yet recorded their monster hit “Not an Addict”, which opened doors not only in Europe but also lead to touring across the US with, amongst others, Alanis Morissette and the Indigo Girls. Yet in 1994 I saw a girl run to her microphone, hold onto it for the entire song and who looked at her feet for the duration of the applause. A lot has changed since then and that girl cannot be compared to the über-fit and charismatic front woman she is today. We catch up in the backstage area of a Dutch music festival to talk about change, identity and challenges. 

 

You once said you were lucky K’s Choice became popular. What’s luck got to do with it? 
I think there was a lot of coincidence involved. My brother and I have been making music for as long as I can remember but we never thought about it as a future job. The idea itself was even too unrealistic to dream about, so let’s just say we never considered it a possibility.Then someone asked me to sing something in a studio and before we knew it we had a hit-single on the radio and things started evolving. There wasn’t any plan behind it. If I contemplate our position right now, I can see the amount of work and effort that we have put into it, yet I must say that we did indeed get very lucky. We met the right people at the right time. Of course you have to be present in order for those people to find you, but we were very lucky to kick off mid-’90’s, when record companies still had a lot of money and room for development. We’re talking about a completely different era here. They allowed us time to grow, which is almost impossible nowadays. We’re also lucky that we’re still – after 25 years – able to make music for a living. We still have fun and we’re still doing things that challenge us, both as musicians and performers. There’s nothing worse for creativity than routine so once in a while we have to shake things up a bit.

How do you shake things up? 
Well, for example we changed our working method when making The Phantom Cowboy – our last record. Normally Gert and I write separately and then bring things together to see what happens. This time we started with a concept and actually knew how we wanted the record to sound. Things like this, and also things like introducing The Backpack Sessions – an intimate tour with only our pianist – are our means to keeping it fresh.

Do you need challenges? 
I think so, I’m not a stressed out person but I like change, both in my job and in my personal life.
At the moment we’re on the verge of moving to California and there’s a lot to do, but that’s fun. We’re going to start over. It’s like making a new record and working with a new producer, even though the previous one was great, you never know what it’s going to bring. My sense of adventure is far greater than being comforted by foreseeing the future.

A couple of years ago you started working as a fire fighter? Why?  
I needed it because music started to become somewhat of a routine. I needed to do something that was completely different, a job where I had to show up and go back home after 24 hours. As a musician you can start working at 2 in the afternoon or you can work the whole night through. You work on your music, your plans, your career, your writing, you name it. It never stops. You can work all day and there will still be that feeling that you can do more. It’s never finished. So I looked for something that was defined, which I found in being a fire fighter. You cannot imagine how much I learned there and it still brought me the eagerness to learn even more. Because of that, being a musician made me happier again.

Do you have any creative rituals when you start composing? 
We did in the beginning, but I’ve kind of abandoned the idea of needing hours of time, the right mood and even the perfect star constellation – in order to write the perfect song. Now we just sit down with a guitar and start. The Phantom Cowboy was written in two weeks time. Gert and I sat down in a room from 9 to 5 and just worked. We stopped waiting for the right light interval or the most opportune emotional state of mind.

Is art inevitably self-portraiture?
I think so. You keep talking about things that are close to you. Its shape changes but the subject doesn’t. As you get older your world changes, you get married, have children, yet there are themes that keep returning. Now we’re moving I found some old interview from when I was 20 years old. How stupid and serious I was! Nowadays I take my music, my job, very seriously but not myself. Now we’re able to write a song that’s ‘just fun’, it doesn’t always have to be about the most deep down, thorough, detailed emotion. At this point we’re able to lighten up.

You are outspoken about being gay. Do you feel you have a moral responsibility?
I do like taking my moral responsibility. I like it that young girls or boys can look at me and know that I’m married to a woman and yet look very normal. When I was young I only had Navratilova, and even she was not very outspoken. The issue just wasn’t discussed. It took me so long to discover who I was and I think that if I was born now, I might’ve found that out by the time I was 16. There are so many possibilities now, people can talk about being gay, being transgender. Things that weren’t discussable twenty years ago. Of course there’s still a lot of work to be done, but as a public person I hope to make the world just that little bit more normal for gay people. Writing and making music is a very nice way to communicate with people and to discover that you have much more in common than you would think. When you’re a teenager that can be quite therapeutic.

Jeff Koons once said: ‘Being an artist is not a job, it’s an identity’.
I think I rather identify myself as the wife of my wife, the mother of my children and the daughter of my parents, my friends, than as an artist. Don’t get me wrong, music is a great platform and making music is something that can’t be compared to many things. When you leave the studio at night and you’ve created something you didn’t know existed that very morning, it’s incomparable. That little bit of fear, that you’re never going to be able to do it anymore, or the feeling that you’ve given everything but aren’t sure if there’s anything left. I have to admit that’s a unique and an on top of the world feeling. But to say it’s an identity, that’s too much. I identify much more as a human being than as a musician.

It took me so long to discover who I was and I think that if I was born now, I might’ve found that out by the time I was 16. There are so many possibilities now, people can talk about being gay, being transgender. Things that weren’t discussable twenty years ago.’

You and your wife adopted 2 children a few years ago. As a mother, what would you like to teach them? 
I want them to be able to be themselves. The world won’t always appreciate or understand that, but at least they have to try. I also want them to work hard. I enjoy my life very much because I work hard for the things that I find important; to be happy, to do things with my family. If you feel very good about something, then it’s often something that took a while for you to get there. For me, getting divorced wasn’t an easy road to take, nor was adoption or moving to the States. But they did make me happy in the long run. I feel very strongly that I’m the happy person I am today, because of all the decisions I have made in my life. I’m very grateful about the circumstances and being lucky at the same time, but I also made it happen through the choices that I made along the way. Next to getting sick or loosing somebody, your fate lies very much in your own hands. So how committed are you to work for it?

So in retrospect, you wouldn’t change anything? 
I’ve gone through some painful stages yet I’m very happy with who I am right now. Everything that’s happened has made me into the person I am today. Fortunately I’m quite forgetful so that might help (laughs). I can’t imagine anything more drastic than what happened to me when I met my wife. Before that I wasn’t really happy but I thought that was just the way people were. When I found out who I was I literally stepped from a world of darkness into the light. All was black and white and I changed from being – I’m not saying depressed because that’s too strong of an emotion – but from heavy hearted and melancholic to one of the most joyous people I know. Almost in the blink of an eye.

A question I also ask myself: How could you not have known?
I have absolutely no idea. Maybe it has to do with the era in which I was born. I think that if I would be 16 years old at this very moment, I would probably jump right in. In retrospect I conformed a great deal. Especially because I wanted to dress like a boy but I didn’t want to embarrass the people around me. If it would only have been about me, than there would’ve been no boundaries. I always had to fight for my place in high school, something you don’t quite understand when you’re so young. That’s what I like so much about the whole gender conversation. Who cares about all that? You could say that it’s safe to fit in, but is it really? How many people are there that get a wake-up call when they’re 30. I’m longing for a world where everybody can be more relaxed into doing what they want to do. Everything feels so restricted.

What do you think is your purpose in life? 
It depends on when you ask the question. Sometimes you feel so small wondering what’s your part in this larger entity. When you dare to think about the concept of time, the universe, or the fact that we are standing on something circular, then it’s almost impossible to ponder the meaning of your own life. Everything is so grand and you are so small in comparison.Yet when I do have to answer on the meaning of ‘my’ life, I think it’s trying to change and affect the world around me by being happy and treating people with respect. I’m a bit too cynical to be able to positively say it’s going to change the world, but it would be a good start. When I hear those terrible stories about sick children or refugee children, things that neither you or anybody else can fix, I often reflect that being grateful about the things you have and are able to do, is the very least you can do. Trying to give as little thought as possible to the small things that bother you. So every morning when I wake up I keep my eyes closed and think about the things I’m grateful for. That’s the absolute minimum you can do when you see all the damage that’s been done in the world. If everybody would make the effort to change his own little corner in a positive way, it would already mean a lot.

 

www.kschoice.be

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Et Alors? magazine. A global celebration of diversity.

Solomon Ray

Solomon Ray

Solomon Ray

Text JF. Pierets    Photos JD Forte

 

In 2008, Solomon Ray released two street mixtapes that got him invited to Eminem’s radio show, Shade 45, on Sirius XM. What followed was a huge Internet buzz, a large amount of followers from all over the world and more than ten thousand copies sold. Several EP’s later the rapper came out with Le Garçon, greeted by iTunes as one of 2014’s “best new releases by a new artist” and the first single landed Vevo’s top five of R&B songs. Despite his success and positive feedback, the artist announced his retirement, due to depression, on Facebook. But last month he released a beautiful cover of Beck’s Guess I’m doing fine so it looks like Solomon Ray is back!

 

What made you decide to come back? 
Creativity. You cannot tell an artist not to create and you can’t take a break from something that you love. Ultimately it was my love for music and the notion that we are placed on this earth for a reason that wanted me to reengage. So I tuned out all the superficial stuff that I kept seeing and moved on.

Stuff like what?  
I’m an artist who identifies himself with what he makes. Which makes me quite sensitive about my work. I think I got to a point in my life where I got depressed because I didn’t see where I was going and let outside influences dictate how I felt. I started to constantly focus on how someone else had more advantages than me. After a while it became so depressing and stifling that I needed a break.

Did it have something to do with your coming out? 
If you asked me this question four years ago I would’ve said yes and my response would be that I probably would not have told anybody that I was gay. Now I realize it was never really a choice because this is who I am. Now I have this “I don’t give a fuck about pretty much,” attitude so I would never be silent about it.

I can imagine it’s quite challenging, being gay in the rapper scene.
Being in this industry since 2008, you can feel a glass ceiling when you’re gay. It’s something that I’m aware of, yet I try not to give it too much weight. I’m also aware that it’s even harder for other people because I do know that it’s still a stigma to be gay in the black community. If you’re a gay rapper then you are already fighting against a lot of prejudices, but if you’re a gay rapper and you’re black and you live in America, then that really works against you. I’m a mixture of black and white so visually I can slide in. But there are a bunch of extremely talented men who don’t get the same attention as I do because of their color.

What’s the main difference between the moment of your retirement and now? 
When it comes to music, the difference is that I don’t use rules anymore. I don’t hold on to formats in songwriting. Those formats are great because they are catchy but I try to use a different approach. The big personal difference is that I don’t stress as much anymore because I learned that my art and my gift is none of my business. It’s been given to me so it’s my purpose in life. I know that I’m going to be taken care of and as long as I trust that instinct, everything will be ok. Stepping into a new project with that mindset is very freeing. It literally allows me to be myself. Before I was afraid to be outspoken, to speak up. Now I don’t really care about the small things anymore.

 

 

I know that I’m going to be taken care of and as long as I trust that instinct, everything will be ok.’

Do you still care if people like your work? 
It’s always nice when people like something you’ve made, if they identify with it or find a story to connect with. I love that. But if they don’t like it, than that’s also fine. If they are not coming to concerts or if they are not buying my records, I don’t really have the space in my life to care about them. Everybody should get to a point where they realize that people’s opinions about what you are wearing, how you are doing your hair, who you’re sleeping with, doesn’t really matter if they’re not paying your bills or have a huge influence on your livelihood.

How about future dreams? 
I’ve already accomplished what I wanted. As a creative person I don’t care what it does, where it goes. I just need to make something. If I have an idea in my mind, all I’m trying to do is to get that idea out. Once it’s out, I’m on to the next project.

What would you say to an aspiring young rapper?
To be honest, I would advise them to stay in school and become a lawyer. If you go to bed at night and you cannot sleep because you have to create, then follow your passion. But if you can go to sleep and wake up perfectly fine, you need to go to school. Because there is no money in music anymore, there is no benefit. You have to do this because you need it. Very few get rich and famous and even a lot of people on the billboard top 100 don’t even have the money I have. Since finding out that harsh reality I try to tell kids to think about it, because it’s one of the toughest jobs to get into.

But you would never trade.
Never! It’s been a fantastic ride and I’m very much enjoying it!

 

Listen to Solomon’s new single “Guess I’m Doing Fine” on SoundCloud.
www.solomonraymusic.com

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Agustin Martinez

Agustin Martinez

Agustin Martinez

Text JF. Pierets     Artwork Agustin Martinez

 

“Dancers don’t always know what they are doing”, “Revelations from a sailor from Rotterdam” and “The past is alert and ready” are just a few of the many intriguing titles of the work by collagist Agustin Martinez; a fellow countryman of Pablo Picasso, who coined the term collage in the beginning of the 20th century when it became a distinctive part of modern art. By transferring photographs and clippings into a new whole, Martinez creates his perfect dream world.

 

Tell me about your childhood.
I grew up in a little town in Castellón and come from a very creative family. When I was younger I tried many things; I played the trombone in a brass band, I tried to write and learned how to draw. I also very much liked reading and watching movies, which made me quite different from other people I knew in my village. 13 years ago I moved to Barcelona. I wanted to live in a big city because I couldn’t develop culturally the way I wanted, and also internet was not as up to date as it is now. 

Is collage you’re preferenced ‘art-form’, so to speak? 
To become an artist is a process, you don’t become one over night so I experimented a lot until I found what I’m doing now. Collage has been something that popped up over the years but with different intervals. Looking back it was a logical decision; I always liked art and movies, as a child I loved to watch Bette Davies and Audrey Hepburn, and somehow these impressions installed themselves in my head. I already started to paste images together when I was 12 and it’s interesting to see that there was indeed a composition, even at that young age. But who knows; I’m always thinking of ways to develop and maybe next year I find something else that drives me totally crazy.  I truly celebrate the fact of being older because now I have the strength to pursue my passions, the strength to explain myself. But… I’m open to the things that cross my path. 

You say you have to explain yourself. In what way? 
The inner landscape is not only to explain in words and, at least for me, images make more sense. Collage is about combining different kinds of images to explain a feeling, or a mood, or just my reality. My work reflects on an exuberant world I would like to live in. Surrounded by beautiful things, fierceness and even the ability to fly. It’s not possible yet, but one never ceases to hope. Another motive is the search for my place in the world as a man. When I was a child and I cried, my father always said; “boys don’t cry”.  I know this has also to do with my parents being from a different generation, but from the ‘60’s up to now, women have found ways to explain themselves. Men didn’t do that; we didn’t look for definitions of what is ‘manly’. I’m part of a workshop here in Barcelona called Men in Movement. It’s related to gestalt and performance; 15 men, moving, relating and expressing through movement. Some of them feel threatened and cannot find their place as men. Some are feeling not ‘man enough’ because they are different from their parents or they cannot relate to other men. 

 

 

 

‘Collage is about combining different kinds of images to explain a feeling, or a mood, or just my reality. My work reflects on an exuberant world I would like to live in.’

Does it have to do something with the fact that you are gay? 
In the workshop there’s no distinction between straight and gay. Some talk about their sexual orientation but most of them don’t, because it’s not important. It happens to both gay and straight men. Of course for me personally there is a connection; the queer theories came after the feminist theories, so as gays we are building our identity, we are still doing that. 

Do you want to fit in? 
Of course there is a part of me wanting to fit in and be comfortable around men. I don’t really know how to behave and that’s often weird. Sometimes I want to fit in and sometimes I don’t give a damn but socially it’s important that you do. You have to be self-confidant, which I’m absolutely not. I’m hiding behind my work, behind all those flowers and animals. So the main thing I like to learn is to be comfortable as a man and still be surrounded by non-aggressiveness and beauty. All is intertwined in my collages. 

A client in the art gallery, who represents your work, found your collages very gay. You didn’t like that. 
It’s what I’ve told you earlier; take a picture of flowers, combine it with a man and it’s considered gay. While I think my work doesn’t have anything to do with gender or sexuality and I hope it rises beyond the binaries of being straight or gay. For me it’s important to be considered an artist, and not a gay artist. Naturally I saw my share of gay movies and read gay books, but those books are mostly Barbara Cartland novels with gay characters. They aren’t necessarily good, but because of their gay narrators, it entitles them to some kind of audience. The world is bigger than that and life is not only gay or straight. That’s way too limited a thought. 

How important are the titles of your work?
Very important, since they are also a part of the collage and complete the images I assemble. When I’m working my mind is circling around the title like a hawk and it’s tells a great deal about the full story. I like the idea that the title might help de spectators create their own tale on what is going on in the collage. Looking back I see that there are different types of characters in my work: the Sweet Warriors, the Dancers and the Sailor from Rotterdam are all personas that are trying to illustrate my views of the world and men.

What’s your goal as an artist? Go wild!
I would love to be able to live from my work and to be able to keep expressing myself. I’m not necessarily making work because I aim for recognition. I find it a bit absurd to dream of fame and money; it’s more of a thing I have to do in order to keep focused and to channel my deepest emotions. When I’m working I’m in a flow, I feel so passionate I even stop breathing. I want to magnify this, be big in this and reflect myself in what I do. 

 

www.randomagus.tumblr.com

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Martin(e) Gutierrez

Martin(e) Gutierrez

Martin(e) Gutierrez

Text JF. Pierets    Artwork Martine(e) Gutierrez

 

Artist and Et Alors? #14 cover model Martín(e) Gutierrez investigates identity, through the transformation of physical space and self. Interested in the fluidity of relationships and the role of gender within each, s/he employs mannequins as counterparts to explore the diverse narratives of intimacy. Nothing is what it seems and the pictures show both mannequins and the artist him/herself, shifting identities throughout each image. Martín(e) executes every aspect of the process from hair and make-up to costume and set design, as well as lighting, directing, and photographing.
A conversation with a very intriguing, beautiful and genuine artist. 

 

You just showed new work at the Ryan Lee gallery in New York. How was it? 
I noticed that people were pretty confused about what they saw. I think it’s part of our culture that everyone wants to know exactly what they are looking at and why. People want to know which images is me. They want me to tell them what’s going on in each picture or video. Part of the time I let them struggle with it, ‘cause that’s just how you learn. 

When did you start making art?
I began drawing and making art when I was very young, but it wasn’t considered fine art back then. I made lots of self-portraits and I used to pose my dolls so I could make portraits of them. I was the ‘class artist’ in grammar school and continued taking every art class I could fit into my schedule throughout high school and during summers. I was a Print Making major at RISD. My college made a distinction between fine arts majors such as painting, print making or sculpture, and the more commercial art majors, such as graphic design, illustration, or architecture. I call them commercial because there was an available job market after graduation. As an artist, you ask yourself, ‘How can I make a living doing what I love? How do I get paid for making?’ I have always put my art first, even before my social life. Art has always helped me to form my own identity, both inside as well as outside of being an artist.

And what’s that identity?
I still don’t know because it’s a work in progress. The press likes to talk about me as some gender bender, gender fluent artist and I think its true, but growing up I never identified that way. It was just a part of me that I didn’t name.

But it was always there? 
Definitely. I was always wavering. I always travelled back and forth between feminine and masculine and never saw a clear separation between the two. For me, I need to live with the flexibility, the freedom without limits to be happy.

Do you feel like living in privileged scenery, being an artist? That it’s somewhat easier to be yourself? 
I guess so, yes, although I think I would still do this if I was working in an office. I would probably go into work in costume. One day I’d go in a pencil skirt, with a blazer and huge earrings. The next day I would go in a jumpsuit. As long as I am doing my job, why should it matter? Besides being an artist I also have another job, a part time thing, because I can’t yet support myself solely making art.

What is your other job?
I work for a production company based in Paris. They make videos for high-end brands such as Dior, YSL, Dolce & Gabbana… and I make the music.

Does it overlap with your art?
Not really; they don’t think of me as an artist. I’m more like a sound engineer to them.

How did you become the artist you are today? 
By pursuing self-expression in as many forms as possible. Dance, theater, singing, painting, drawing, video and photography – these are all mediums I became familiar with at an early age. Having the technical skills to do many jobs simultaneously definitely sustains my practice as an artist. It’s how I’ve worked independently for so long. Most everything I make by myself.

You basically made the scenery and shoot the pictures? 
Yes, I started at home rearranging things to create sets. Usually I would shoot when my parents were away. When they came home, I had to run and put everything back, so they wouldn’t be upset that I had just destroyed the house for a photo shoot. I would also sometimes wear my sister’s clothing and had to put things back so she wouldn’t notice. I had to be sneaky. Now I have my own costumes and studio – so I can be as messy as I want and take as long as I want building a set.

How about your parents now? 
My mother has always been supportive. I had wigs, capes, dresses, and she was always making more. She was a big fan of making things instead of buying them. As for my father, well it used to make him uncomfortable. He’s from Guatemala and I was none of the things that represent a Latin American male. I was very feminine. But he has softened with age and came to NYC for the opening of my last show. It was really great because he saw all that is happening in my life right now.

And what is that exactly? 
Oh, I don’t know… am I becoming famous? It’s kind of scary if I am!

Why?
Because I just love my privacy. For most of my life, I have been stared at by people. A few old friends used to tease me, saying they were tired of going out with me because everyone was always watching me, not them. But it’s not like I am always looked at for a good reason. I feel like I have been on the periphery of society for most of my life. I imagine that’s what being a celebrity is like. You are looked at as an object. A part of me just wants to go to the grocery store without being gawked at or walk down the street without being cat called. Fame is not a goal.

What is your goal then? 
I think my goal is to make just enough money to keep doing this. It’s been amazing to show in galleries and museums, but even if no one wanted to see or show my work, I would still make it. It has never been about notoriety. Most of my work is still therapeutic for me.

You need therapy? 
Maybe. When I was younger people always asked me if I was a boy or a girl. I always felt obligated to answer the question. I believe you don’t have to conform to the image that society constructs for a male or a female to be happy; however, its one thing to believe it and another to put it into practice. I’m trying to understand what’s important to me and how I perceive myself.

Yet now you have the feeling that you should make a choice? 
I do and I think we are all forced to make this choice. When I was growing up I noticed I was attracted to both men and women and I wondered what this made me. I couldn’t continue to be Martin, who likes men and women. People needed a label. Was I gay? Bisexual? I don’t like labels because I think they separate us from one another and limit our possibilities.

When you are famous you don’t have to think about that anymore, then they would call you an eccentric.
And that would be fine by me.

Back to your work. You’re telling stories. Where do they come from? 
I guess it’s a mixture of my imagination and life experiences. I have always loved dress up and dolls. On the playground with my friends when we were little, we created this make-believe world and we would describe for hours the rules of this world, our magical powers, and how we looked. We would describe our shoes, the way we wore our hair… but then the recess bell would ring, and we had not even begun to play the game yet! In a way I’m still playing, but the narrative has matured. In the Girl Friends series ‘Rosella and Palma’, which I really love, the clothes belonged to my great grandmother. I see Rosella and Palma as Italian heiresses from the late 50’s. Clothes from a different era can tell a story because they have a history.

 

 

‘The press likes to talk about me as some gender bender, gender fluent artist and I think it’s true, but growing up I never identified that way.’

And do people have to understand the story in order to like the work? 
No. I feel like it’s much richer when people project their own views on the work, so I hardly ever tell.

What is your perfect spectator thinking?
The perfect spectator is getting it all wrong! They have no idea what’s going on. They think the mannequins are alive and that they are in love with me.

You yourself are always a part of the image. Do you consider yourself a work of art? 
Not really. I like living in a metropolis like New York, with such diversity, because your surrounded by spectacles. You can hide and people watch at the same time. Maybe I wanted to be somebody’s muse. For Jean Paul Gaultier to say, ’You! Who are you?’ and then walk runways around the world. When I was 18, I walked my first fashion week and I hated it. It was awful. I had a false impression, a fantasy about how it would be, with very glamorous lighting and loud music, hair… yet the whole experience was an illusion. It’s very much about a camera angle. For some reason I thought it would be real. It was actually something I was already doing in my work.

So your work is an illusion?
Definitely. I’m not only changing the way I look, but also the spaces I’m in. The entire Line Up series was shot in the same studio. It’s an alternative to reality, but most of the time everything is held together with pushpins and bubble gum.

Is it a perfect world, your perfect world?
No, I don’t think it’s my perfect world, but it’s an escape from this world. It’s simpler. My perfect world would be under the sea I think, existing under water. My work gives me a chance to forget about the rules, the stereotypes, and expectations which people project on each other. It’s about being, and not questioning the moment.

You seem to care a lot about all those labels? Can you just be ignorant of what people think of you? 
That’s how I try to live my life, ignoring it. But every now and then, especially in winter, I get depressed and it all gets to me. I want to feel normal and I want to fit in. I once cut off all my hair in college because everyone thought I was a woman and I wanted men to know that I was a man, so they would fall in love with me.

So you wanted to be more masculine?
Yes, so all the gay men would know that I was a man. So I cut off my hair and guess what…people still thought I was a woman – a tall, butch woman. It only limited my androgyny and I was so unhappy. Immediately I started to grow my hair back. Haven’t cut it since then and its now 30 inches long. We did a video for ID Magazine with my six mannequins in which they had to look like me, so I needed some very, very longhaired wigs.

You like making videos in collaboration? Because it’s different than being in your studio, alone, taking pictures. 
At first it was very awkward, but by the third or fourth video collaboration I had found my groove. There still are certain aspects that are hard for me to let go of, to give artistic control to other people, to have to compromise. But we all listened to each other and it made me realize how important it was to communicate clearly. When I work alone, I don’t have to explain anything and that’s a luxury. 

And how do you see your work evolve? Now including video?
I see it evolving as I evolve. For me it’s also a production adventure. I am working with no budget at all, so shooting and editing a three-minute video can take a year or two. It’s hard to feel original these days; everything feels like a reference. The way we communicate via the Internet is so fast that if you find something interesting, probably a thousand others think so too. And part of the allure is that it is ‘new’, the next big thing. I’m afraid the time for real icons and visionaries, a Marilyn Monroe with longevity is over, and that is sad.

Now it’s Kim Kardashian.
Yes. Noteworthy for what? Her beauty? Her glam life?

And how do you see your photo series evolve? 
I think the next series will be about my heritage, specifically on my father’s side. He immigrated to the United States from Guatemala and his mother was indigenous Mayan Indian. Race has always been very interesting to me, another layer of identity that we define ourselves by. I am often mistaken for other ethnicities, so fluidity has never been limited to just gender.

One last question: What would you like to say to people who feel confused about their identity? Like, for example, to a 16-year-old boy who likes to wear skirts but lives in Texas. 
I would say, you are not alone. If there is anyone putting you down or harassing you, it’s probably because they are ignorant or jealous. Your courage to express yourself scares them. Usually that means people are cruel. The closest you can get to feeling like the genuine person you really are, the happier you will be. Find yourself, express yourself, love yourself.

 

www.martine.tv
www.martingutierrez.net

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Et Alors? magazine. A global celebration of diversity.

Ghosting. A novel by Jonathan Kemp

Ghosting. A novel by Jonathan Kemp

Ghosting. A novel by Jonathan Kemp

Text JF. Pierets    Photo Christa Holka

 

When 64-year-old Grace Wellbeck thinks she sees the ghost of her first husband, she fears for her sanity and worries that she’s having another breakdown. Long-buried memories come back thick and fast: from the fairground thrills of 1950s Blackpool to the dark reality of a violent marriage. But the ghost turns out to be very real: a charismatic young man named Luke. And as Grace gets to know him, she is jolted into an emotional awakening that brings her to a momentous decision. We’ve talked to Jonathan Kemp, about his latest novel, Ghosting. 

 

The subject matter of Ghosting is completely different from London Triptych, 26 and The Penetrated Male. What happened? 
I suppose I got bored with writing about cock (laughs). I think I said everything that I had to say about gay male sexuality in the first three books. Having said that, my forthcoming book, Homotopia?, a nonfiction book, is about homosexuality.  It’s basically my Masters thesis, written in 1997, before any of those other three books. But all this considered, I believe as a writer you get seduced by a story or a character, and the origin of Ghosting is rooted in a journey that my mother made in 1967 when I was 8 weeks old. My father was in the Royal Air Force and got stationed in Malaysia. He went ahead because she was pregnant with me and she stayed behind to give birth in Manchester. After that we flew out there. Obviously I don’t remember a thing about it, but in my head it became this magical, mythical journey of a working class young woman who’s never been outside of the UK, traveling with three small children from one world to another. My original conception was to use the journey as a central metaphor, the notion of a journey. But then the character of Grace came to me and things developed from there. 

So it’s not a novel about your mother?
Not in any sense. There are massive differences in terms of Grace’s personality and the things that occur to her; my father didn’t beat my mother nor did he die. I’m not interested in writing an autobiography; I’m interested in expressing different strategies, events, and the truth of an emotion. But again, a lot of writing in general comes from asking yourself the question, “What if?” What if she’s relieved to find her husband dead upon arriving in Malaysia? He was a vile alcoholic and she didn’t want to go back to him anyway. What if she loses her daughter from whom she felt very estranged? I wanted to explore the concept of grief, but I also wanted to challenge some maternal issues in a We need to talk about Kevin, kind of way: in that, you might not necessarily like your child. 

Why write about grief? 
In many ways both London Triptych and 26 explore sexual grief, but it’s not really noticed upon. Grief is something that I’m fascinated by. It comes in many forms and I think, like most emotional realities, it’s experienced in radically different ways. Sometimes grief is considered inappropriate, as if it has a certain expiration date after which you have to get on with it. The whole capitalist, utilitarian mindset generally dictates that; they give you a month to grief and then you have to get back to work, be productive. It was that lack of compassion that I wanted to explore, to put Grace in a situation where her second husband didn’t allow her to grief. 

You’re also intrigued by mental illnesses, can you elaborate? 
Mental illness is related to grief in a way that it’s also an inappropriate emotion. What I wanted to do with Ghosting was explore the whole women-madness thing. It has been, and probably still is, a way of controlling female behavior. Asylums are places of containment for people, and quite often women, who are not acting appropriately. I have spent the last 20 years reading texts, novels, and poetry that center on the issue of female madness so I wanted to weave the subject into the book. 

Do you think this book will attract a different audience than for example London Triptych? 
I didn’t aim for any audience with any book really, other than attracting people who might be interested in the subject matter, the stories. I’m very pleased that London Triptych had a wider appeal; my mother and a lot of her friends really loved it and when I won the Authors’ Club Best First Novel Award, there were much older women congratulating me because they really wanted that book to win, “Because it’s filthy.” Ghosting had some great reviews and maybe that’s because of the way in which it’s so different from my previous work. It didn’t had the impact that London Triptych had, but that probably had to do with its slightly sensational subject matter and the explicit sex scenes. London Triptych is massively important to me because it shone a light on something that was marginalized: the history of male prostitution. It became a kind of stock novel for queer culture and queer history in London, which is great. It’s wonderful when a novel can have such an impact and is not just a flash in the pan. Ghosting is a much quieter book, yet it seems to have appealed to new readers. I’m grateful that they enjoy what I’m doing but I never really think about a specific audience and I certainly didn’t think it wasn’t for my ‘LGBT audience’. Primarily I will always write about LGBT lives, because that’s the life I live, and the world I inhabit, and as a writer you do draw of your own experiences. The way in which sexuality is dealt with, both historically and currently, in society has always been of interest to me so I will continually explore these issues in some shape or form. 

Next to being a writer you also teach creative writing and comparative literature at Birbeck College, University of London. Do you like it?  I do. I love the contact with my students and the whole experience of being in a classroom. The difficult part however is the marking, because you have to sit in judgment about the work of people you really like and in creative writing there is, obviously, a huge subjective element to it. Luckily there are criteria that you have to work with and even if you don’t like what you’re reading, you try to see the merits of it. I never imagined myself as a teacher though. I was always so desperately shy about talking in front of a group of people but I found that I really liked it. I was relieved to be good at something that actually made some money (laughs). 

 

 

‘Primarily I will always write about LGBT lives, because that’s the life I live, and the world I inhabit, and as a writer you do draw of your own experiences.’

I once read an interview with Paul Auster in which he stated that he could tell when a writer had followed a creative writing course. Do you agree? 
The whole industry of creative writing has been going on much longer in America than in the UK, but I’d agree with Auster on that one. Luckily you still get enough books that are maverick, written by somebody who has not allowed it to characterize their writing. 

You think there’s an actual formula for a bestseller?  
I do believe there is a formula, yes. I’m teaching a course at the moment about genres and analyzing the narrative structures of them. I think a formula is actually something that provides a pleasure to readers who would be disappointed otherwise. In a thriller, for example, you expect a certain unease; there’s a body and you have to solve the crime. You cannot, not solve the crime. You find a good metaphor for a reader/writer relationship-gone-wrong in Misery by Stephen King where the reader cripples the author when he does something she doesn’t like. Arthur Conan Doyle got bored with Holmes and killed him off in order to be able to write something else, but his readers became furious and demanded he bring Holmes did; so he did. He almost had no choice. The other things he wrote and published didn’t sell in the same amount so he was kind of coerced into resurrecting his most famous character. As a writer you obviously have some rules of commitment.

Do you have to write? Is it an urge? 
I’ve been writing all my life and my first novel only got published when I was in my early 40’s, so I always had that compulsion to write. I have always had the compulsion to read too, and for me the two go hand in hand. I don’t feel driven in as much as expressing something that ‘has to come out’. I’m driven to explore things that I’m thinking about, or images and characters that appear and who need to be observed. 

How do you write?
I’m not sitting down and tapping away my random thoughts; it’s usually a story that I want to tell, need to tell. I don’t know where the ideas come from; they just pop into my head. I work really slowly and I like to rework a text quite a lot. Ghosting got re-edited, re-drafted, probably over 20 times. The first draft I wrote was in the first person, in Grace’s voice, or an attempt at Grace’s voice, but it didn’t work. While I was figuring out why it wasn’t working, I came up with the idea of changing the point of view. I tried it out on the first couple of chapters and immediately the prose came alive. It wasn’t simply a case of replacing ‘I’ with ‘her’ or ‘she’, but something entirely different had to happen with each sentence once the point of view was shifted. 

You’re quite an activist on the internet, is writing also an attempt to change the world? 
I wouldn’t call that activism. That’s a big claim for any writer to take. Books don’t really change the world but they can change people and people can change the world. When my PhD, The Penetrated Male, came out, I talked about it at an event in a room filled with people from different sexualities and different genders. They were all talking about something because I’ve written a book about it. It was amazing because how often do you really have a serious, large scale conversation about men being penetrated?  

 

www.jonathan-kemp.com
www.myriadeditions.com

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Et Alors? magazine. A global celebration of diversity.